


Saving Spiders

by Nicola_Xxx



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, BAMF Tony Stark, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Engame who?, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Idk what i'm doing, Other, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Stay Safe!, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tags Are Hard, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicola_Xxx/pseuds/Nicola_Xxx
Summary: Peter Parker. High School Student, best friend, nephew, broken.Spider-Man. Hero? Vigilante?Pressure was already too high for high school students. Add anxiety attacks, past assault, dead parents and a superhero alter-ego and you get Peter. He was slowly falling apart, was anyone going to save him before it was too late?





	1. Life Sucks

**(Peter)**

 

Things weren’t ok. Something had changed inside Peter. He constantly found himself too exhausted to keep up simple conversations and even though he _loved_ being Spiderman, the rush of swinging from building or the pride that filled him every time he was bale o do a bit of good in this world, had simply gone.

 

School was trash (as usual). Firstly, he rushed into school and was still late, earning him a 30 min detention during lunch. Since he was so tired from last night’s patrol, he often lost focus in chemistry and accidently mixed hydrogen peroxide and acetic acid creating a huge explosion which caused his already magnified senses to go haywire. Like most days Flash was being awful and decided to torment Peter for the rest of the day, all he wanted to do was sleep.

 

As he trudged out of school, he spotted a familiar black Audi before realising that it was lab day. He couldn’t help but audibly groan at the sight of Happy waiting in the driver’s seat (not that Peter had anything against him). He slid into the black seat before deciding.

 

“Do you think you could take me home Happy…Sir? I just have a lot of homework a-and May wants to have a movie night so ya know.”

 

The shock in Happy’s face was almost humorous if Peter had the motivation to laugh. Of course, it was shocking, he idolised Mr Stark and often blabbed excitably for the next 20 minuet car drive. But today he was just. Tired. He had no energy or strength to get though the rest of the day, let alone be working with Mr Stark till the early hours of the morning. There was a long stretch of silence before Happy replied:

 

“Of Couse Mr Parker.”

 

Gratefully, he lay back into the leather and rested his head against the blacked-out glass, Glad that it was shielding him from the harsh sunlight that did nothing good for his oncoming headache. In his Peripheral vison he could see Happy glance back at him though the rear-view mirror with a look of… concern? Throughout the journey Happy tried to create polite conversation about things like Peters shirt (which said “I’ve lost and electron… Are you positive) or how his and Neds recent attempts at building the latest Lego death star was going, but soon realised there was no point when Peter replied with soft mutters or one-word answers.

 

Finally, they reached Mays apartment and peter mumbled thanks before stumbling out of the car and into the old apartment complex. After what seemed to be 2 hours he had reached his destination and with shaky hands unlocked the apartment, found mays note saying she was working late and flopped into bed, hoping to achieve more than 1 hour of rest before becoming your friendly neighbourhood spider man.

Unfortunately, the pile of unfinished assessments had stopped his plans and he sank into the soft cushions of his sofa before cramming as much work and superhumanly possible. The work was awful but hey, most of it was done.

 

**(Tony)**

 

Tony had been working in his lab for the past 2 hours before he heard footsteps echoing nearer to the room. He had made no progress without his Spiderling and was almost excited to see Peter again. When they had first met, Tony had believed that he could get Spiderman to help beat Steve and that would be the end of that. But for some reason the kid had proceeded to constantly text Happy until the poor man couldn’t take it anymore and had notified his boss. It was weird but after seeing him every Wednesday and Friday, Peter had become more and more part of his life and soon he found the boy cute, even starting to like all of his movie refences (despite the fact that sometimes he was very offended when Peter had referred to some of his favourite childhood films as _old_ )

 

So, you can imagine his disappointment when he was greeted with a very perplexed Happy Hogan at the glass door. He ushered Happy in before shooting him a look that said _what happened to the kid?_

 

“I picked him up normal time but instead of rambling on about his latest adventure he just sorta sat there and asked to be taken home instead. Said something about homework and hanging out with May. Then he just sat there, looking out the window and hardly spoke. Normally I’d be grateful, but it was just worrying. He took a short breath before continuing. “He looked bad sir. His hair was a mess, looked kind of pale and it seemed like he hadn’t slept in days”

 

Any sadness Tony felt for not seeing Peter was quickly washed away with an overwhelming feeling of concern. In all his time knowing him, Tony had never seen the kid tired or even the slightest bit upset, Peter had a habit of being exceptionally chatty and full of life, no matter what had happened the previous days. The last time he had seen Peter was he Friday before, he seemed his usual self, a bit subdued but he said it was just because of Flash. _I swear to God if Flash upset him, I will personally make sure he never even sets foot within 20 miles of Peter_ he thought to himself. What could’ve changed between the past 5 days?

 

He thanked Happy and attempted to go back to his work despite the anxiety flooding over him and the tremor in his hands. _Peter is just a teen, it’s probably mood swings or some ~~shit~~ stuff like that._ No matter what he did to relax again, nothing worked and so he decided to find Peter during patrol and find some excuse for his behaviour or at least get him to exchange a few words. Anything to calm his nerves over the kid that he was annoying becoming to see as _his_ kid.


	2. Ignorance is bliss

**(Peter)**

 

Time to put on the suit. He rushed into the suit in hopes of it creating even the tiniest bit of life that he craved but nothing. He was just empty. Pushing these thoughts to the back of his mind, he slipped out of the window by his bed and leaped to the opposite building, patiently waiting for any sign of danger. But before anything arose, the familiar sound of jets filled the air and panic arose in Peters chest.

 

“Hey Kiddo”

 

Stepping out of his suit, Tony stood there, looking prestige as ever in a black tailored 3-piece suit, sunglasses and dress shoes. He quickly sat next to Peter; looking quite odd as he loosely dangled his legs over the edge of the building. He took of the glasses and the concern was annoyingly noticeable in his dark eyes. Fuck.

 

“What’s up Mister Stark?” Despite his efforts to sound like his usual self, the shaking of his voice was all too noticeable.

 

“Just missed you kid. Its not like you to cancel on lab day.”

“Sorry Sir its just that Ned wanted to hang out and since I always do some spider manning, he kinda feels like I’m avoiding him, please don’t take the suit away I really am sorry” But would it matter, now even the suit doesn’t do much to help him anyways and what good is a broken Spiderman?

 

“Relax” Mr Stark replied with a laugh but it seemed fake and Peters stomach flipped when he realised that it was his fault that Tony was so worried. “I was just checking up on you, Happy said that you were acting a bit strange. Is everything ok?”

 

No. Not good. Why did Happy have to say anything, it’s not like he is involved in Peters life or anything. He can’t show weakness, not in front of Mister Stark. No way was he gonna risk losing the suit and that would defiantly happen if he sees how run down he’s been recently. But couldn’t he lie to his idol. This was THE Tony Stark and he was looking out for Peter.. right? Not trusting his voice, he simply nodded and looked down at his twiddling fingers, then back to Mr Stark.

 

 There was a terrifying pause before Tony just smiled and placed his hand on his shoulder. Normally he would be freaking put right now, Tony didn’t usually show any displays of physical attention, in fact there had been countless moments when Peter had miss read the signs and went in for an award hug or handshake, but he just didn’t really care.

 

“Right. Well if you need me, just tell Happy to come get you. Don’t get too badly hurt” Peter noticed his attempt at humour but made no effort to laugh. “See ya on Friday” And with that he receded back into the suit and flew back to Stark tower.

 

Once the lights of the famous Ironman had faded, Peter let out a breath that he didn’t notice he was holding and rubbed his hands over his mask. That was a close one. From now on he needed to be more careful.

 

Patrol was abnormally boring and before soon he was back in his bed, tremendously tired and sank into has old mattress. It didn’t take long before he realised there was no point, sleep rarely come to him on a good day. Subjecting him to a torturous night of stress and sensory overload.

 

No matter how hard he tried the next day, he looked like a ghost of himself, his eyes were the worst of all, hollow, dark and almost lifeless. He’d have to make up for that by being overly energetic. May wasn’t home, she must’ve gone for an early shift, so he didn’t have to worry about eating. After a few minutes he gave up and trekked down to the subway.

**(Tony)**

 

True to his plans, later that night Tony quickly got changed the moment Karen was activated and few over to where Peter could be found. Once he saw the kid, his heart gave an unusual jump to see him at the edge of the building. It was stupid to feel like this, it was Peter, but then again he hadn’t been acting like himself recently.

 

“Hey Kiddo” He cringed at how desperate his voice sounded and by the was Peter flinched, it was clear he noticed it too. Choosing to ignore it, he stepped out of the suit and slipped down next to the kid praying that he would give him any excuse to stop his heart hammering in his chest.

 

“What’s up Mister Stark?” Any tiny part of him that tried to convince himself that peter was fine quickly died at Peters voice. It was so cold and devoid of emotion, so unlike the kid he loved?

 

“Just missed you kid. It’s not like you to cancel on lab day.” He ignored how pathetic he sounded.

 

“Sorry Sir its just that Ned wanted to hang out and since I always do some spider manning, he kinda feels like I’m avoiding him” Well that was weird, Happy said that it was homework and being with May.       

 

“Please don’t take the suit away I really am sorry.” God how important was Spiderman to this kid? Did the time he took the suit a few months ago really affect him so much? What was going on?

 

“Relax, I was just checking up on you, Happy said that you were acting a bit strange. Is everything ok?” Not caring that the concern was bleeding into his voice, his plan to calm down had massively backfired so he had abandoned it and decided to try and get any sliver of information, even though he was somewhat “ _emotionally stunted_ ” with “ _Daddy issues_ ” he could kinda help.

 

But all he received was a short nod. How was it possible that the kid had done a complete 180 over a few days? But he knew that if he pried too hard, he would get shut out. In one last attempt he said

 

“Right. Well if you need me, just tell Happy to come get you. Don’t get too badly hurt” Please say something. Please laugh. Just do something. But nothing. With that he said goodbye and flew back to the tower to spend the night worried about his kid for the second time that week.


	3. Pain is Temporary

**(Peter)**

 

School was just a blur. During period 1 and 2 peter had forced himself to sit next to ned and precipitate in conversation that he had no interest in what so ever, something about a new party that he wanted peter to go to even though they weren’t invited. Luckily, Peter had managed to keep up his charade long enough for Ned and MJ to think that he was just having a dodgy day and they continued to remain normal. He just kept ignoring the silent voice in this head, the pleas for someone to notice **HE WASN’T OK**. No one needed to know. He was freaking Spiderman for god’s sake. Do you see people like him go through shit like this?

 

He managed to get though almost all of his day before Flash decided to make an appearance. The bell rang and Peter rushed out the gates and suddenly he felt his head slam into the wall behind him felt the disgusting breath tickling his face.

 

“What’s up Penis Parker? Aunt had enough of you like the rest of your family?” Peter fought the urge to use his strength to break his face at that comment.

 

“No comment? Pussy” and with that he knocked Peter to the floor, kicked him in the ribs and left him lying on the floor.

 

Finally gaining the power to get up ( _damn he needed to eat_ ), he felt weird. Whatever just happened somehow made him feel…better? Deciding to test his theory later while on patrol he made his journey home, unwilling to face aunt may as he simply didn’t have the energy to pretend he was ok. But maybe he could be?

 

 

Finally, he was able to convince May that he just wasn’t hungry and retreated to his room, waiting nervously for her to leave for another night shift, digging his nails into his palm in anticipation for the night’s events. After what seemed like and eternity; May came in to kiss him goodnight, Peter could practically feel the worry radiating off her and a twinge of guilt hit him. Maybe after tonight he would be ok for once.

As soon as she left, he stripped into the suit, the one that Mr Stark had given him and it felt like a betrayal for Peter to use the suit for his own plans but hey, it was for the greater good.

 

Perched on a rooftop like the night before, he waited for Karen to inform him of any crime no matter how small. To pass the time he stared at the stars, feeling so small and insignificant compared to the world around him but before he could spiral any further Karen’s cool, cold voice informed him of an armed mugging 3 blocks away. Swinging into action he dropped just before the bad guys and said:

 

“Sorry for swinging in” ( _Any other day he would’ve been amazed at his puns but today wasn’t the same_ ) But no time to dwell on that as 4 tall guys; 2 of which had sharp butchers’ knives that gleamed in the moonlight, came charging at him

 

(A/N Sorry I’m really bad a writing fight scenes so I thought I’d skip xx)

 

3 down and 1 to go. From the way he walked, Peter could tell he favoured his right side so he swung a punch that knocked that side and left him disorientated. It would be so easy to beat this guy. So easy. But the way the blade in this hand looked, it called him so before webbing up Mr Criminal, Peter allowed his attacker to plunge the knife deep into his lower abdomen, not close enough to the centre to cause anything too harmful but enough to hurt. And damn it felt good, the pain flowing from his wound all over his body, causing every fibre of his body to tingle with endorphins. Without realising it, all of the 4 dudes had been restrained meaning Peter could leave and search for more danger, with a small smile playing on his lips and he couldn’t help but laugh. He finally felt **alive.**

**(Tony)**

 

He sat horrified at the screen. If course he had been watching footage from Karen, the kid’s strange behaviour yesterday would warrant observing the suit cam, but nothing could prepare him for this. He had hoped that it was a girlfriend ( _or boyfriend)_ but not this. Everything about the situation was disturbing and Tony could feel his chest shutting down as breathing became difficult and he hands started to quake with alarm. He was fucked up enough to know what was going on, he could tell the self-destructive behaviour would only get worse but how could he help.

 

It took him a couple of seconds to notice a figure standing in front of him, Rhodey he realised was sitting on the floor with him. Wait, when did he fall to the ground? As soon as his sense came back to him and he could hear Rhodey clearly, he got up and sprinted to the elevator rushing to help Peter, tell him he could help, do anything to relive Peter of the pain he was so clearly feeling.

 

“Stark stop.” A voice from behind him said. “I saw the video.” And that set him off. How could Tony not have seen this coming, how could he help someone when he couldn’t even deal with himself. It was too much. Guilt and stress flooded over him and once again he found himself sitting on the floor, this time sobbing loudly in despair and worry for his kid.

 

“ **I need to help him** ” Tony croaked after a couple of minutes.

 

“I know but right now you’re in no state of mind to do that. You see him tomorrow so just talk then. Watch a film or something. Just don’t pry, we both know that won’t work”

 

Like normal Rhodey was right so with the help of his friend, Tony managed to reach his bed with fairly few bumps and attempted to sleep with the images of the video flashing behind his eyelids.


	4. Feelings are Weird

**(Tony)**

 

God he was nervous. If you had told him 1 week ago that he would be sitting on his sofa, hands shaking, attempting to ignore the bottles of alcohol that sat in the cupboard behind him all because of seeing Peter, he probably would’ve thought that you were the one tempted by the drinks. But no, here he was anxious at how the hell he could someone help the kid out of his spiral.

 

As he was so consumed by his thoughts, he failed to notice the door next to him shut and only registered Peter when he was directly in front of him with a bemused look on his face.

 

“Hey Bud”

 

“Hey Mr Stark. I was thinking we could work on your suit today, I had this really cool plan when I was on patrol” Tony tensed at that word. “Oh, Mr Stark you shoulda seen me yesterday I was swinging around and then I saw bad guys so I dropped down and said “Sorry for dropping in”, how cool is that Mr Stark?”

 

For a moment, Tony was almost fooled by Peters attempt at normality, it seemed like things were back to the way they were, but then he noticed the way Peter was putting more weight on his left leg, avoiding the right due to his stab wound and the memories from the night before flooded back.

 

“Mr Stark?” The kids voice snapped him back to reality.

 

“Sorry, what were you saying about suits, I kinda zoned out there.” He replied with a breathless chuckle.

 

“I just had some thoughts that we could maybe add and we always work on mine sir”

 

 

Tony had decided to leave his questions to the end of the night, he could see no reason that he should spoil lab day, and they hadn’t spent time together in so long and he was definitely using excuses to dodge the conversation that he had been dreading for the whole day. What could he say. Hey Kid saw to deliberately got stabbed so how are you doing? That would make the situation worse for the both of them.

 

Finally, when Tony couldn’t delay anymore he looked up at Peter, who seemed insanely engrossed in the scrap metal before him.

 

“So how was patrol Pete?” He decided to go for the subtle approach and hoped that Peter would open up.

 

“Pretty average, helped a few people with their shopping, stopped a guy from being mugged and found some guys cat.”

 

Well shit, that didn’t work. “Nothing interesting happen? No causalties?” Oops.

 

Peters eyebrows shot up to his hairline, and his hands vey obviously began to shake no matter how hard he tried to conceal it.

 

“Why would you ask that?” He said in a voice that sounded so dead, so unlike the boy he’d dragged to Belin.

 

“We’re worried about you. Well me and Happy at least. You weren’t acting normally-

 

“I told you on Wednesday I was fine!”

 

-Don’t interrupt me right now!” It first Tony was concerned and that had slowly turned to anger, how stupid did Peter really thank he was, how dare he put him through this stress to act like everything was good?

 

“Firstly, you bail on Lab Day, say about 2 words to Happy then lie to my face. Next thing I know your AL is telling me you’ve been fucking STABBED. I look at the footage and what do I see but our little spider baby standing there, letting himself be hurt like that and then laughing. So don’t have the audacity to lie to me about be okay right now Peter.”

 

Only when he took a breath did he see the kid, his kid sitting in the corner of the lab, hyperventilating to himself with tears flooding down his cheeks.

 

“Oh shit. Pete. Kid. Please look at me. I’m so sorry. Please calm down.” He slowly moved towards the weeping boy. “We can sort this out. Just please breathe.”

 

Peter finally seemed to notice Tony and immediately flinched and edging back into the wall.

 

“Petey I’m so sorry. I’m just worried, that’s all.” He said while moving away to give him some space.

 

After and eternity of silence a feeble voice said. “I want to go home sir”

 

Damn this didn’t go well. “Ok, buddy.” Tony made sure to keep his voice hushed and neutral to make sure he didn’t scare him anymore. “Can Happy drive you home, for me?” Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.

 

“Okay.”

 

**(Peter)**

It was an odd feeling. He felt so numb and yet so overwhelmed by emotions at the same time. His body physically ached with the pain of all the horror he endured though out his life, but at the same time, none of it really mattered to him. A weight was crushing him, but he felt like he was floating. All he knew at his point was his need to feel pain. He craved the experience of his nerves ripping, of blood pouring down, like a river cascading down. He loved the way his brain screamed at him to do something, anything to help the pain but all he did was enjoy the rush of endorphins while agony filled his senses.

 

The journey home was like a dream. He moved in a robotic like state. He was semi consciously aware of Happy’s attempts at conversation and the not so subtle glances of his puffy red eyes and overall shabby appearance, but he couldn’t bring himself to respond and just sat there, staring at nothing. The next thing he knew, a hand was softly shaking him, and it took him a minuet to notice he was outside his apartment. Happy walked him up to his door, which was odd but Tony had obviously told Happy that something was wrong, but Peter was too tired to care even though it was only 7:30.

 

He slowly unlocked the apartment and made a beeline to room while ignoring Mays confused looks and questions. He shut the door and slipped into bed, not bothering to change into his pj’s and felt himself drifting off. Maybe he would finally get some sleep, he couldn’t remember the last time he slept for more the 4 hours. Before slipping into unconsciousness, he could hear a muffled conversation, probably Happy and May discussing his behaviour.


	5. FreakOuts and Flashbacks

**(Peter)**

 

Remember the thing about getting sleep. Didn’t happen. Peter just laid in bed, stating at a particular spot on the ceiling while trying to calm his erratic breaths. His nightmares had woken him up (again), but this time things were different. It started being in Stark Tower, with him and Tony just having a normal day, when suddenly he was met with his mentor, his idol screaming at him. A blast of the iron man suit had sent him flying backwards and the building had collapsed around him, suffocating him and just like that he was back to his fight with the vulture. Yet he was outside the rubble. But trapped inside was May instead. He tried to save her, lifting bits of rock and metal till his arm ached when he noticed she had gone. The are had morphed into something for more terrifying. His old bedroom. Standing behind him was a face he never wanted to see. He could feel disgustingly hot breath on his neck and him the mirror on the closet in front of him he could see the person who introduced him to the horrors of this world. Skip Westcott.

 

Then he woke up. Sweat was covering his forehead, tears still spilling down and breathing like he had just ran a marathon, as he looked up blankly, focusing on getting oxygen to his brain. Once he was calm, he had a stupid idea to go over his dream, which only read to him rushing to the bathroom in time and throwing up what very little he had eaten that day.

 

Footsteps echoed down the corridor and he heard soft knocking on the bathroom door. After not receiving a response for some time, and an apprehensive looking Happy entered the room. He took one glance and the shivering boy and softly wrapped an arm around Peter, helping him sit on the edge of the bath tub. Slowly but surely, the normally emotionless bodyguard peeled of the sweat drenched clothes, leaving Peter in his boxers, turned on the shower and helped him get into the tub.

 

They stayed there for a while, Happy (getting absolutely soaked by the spray) gently washed the mixed of sweat, vomit and tears off Peter, only occasionally talking to explain that he was there since May had a shift or to ask if the water temperature was ok. Peter hadn’t really noticed to be honest, he couldn’t really feel much.

 

“You’re doing so well kid”

 

Peter flicked his eyes upwards to see Skip, and was abruptly assaulted with burning fingertips, hair being tugged and the feeling of teeth scraping against his bare skin.

 

“No.NO.Oh god no, not him.” Peter quickly scrambled away, desperate to get away from his tormentor “Please no” he begged softly and curled into a ball, sobbing into his arms, praying for the pain to fade and gradually it did and relief washed over him.

 

That was until he tensely looked up and saw Happy, kneeling on the floor, looking at him with obvious fear, not of Peter but for him.

 

“I’m going to give you a towel now, ok?”

 

Afraid of his voice, he simply nodded a reply.

 

A slightly scratchy towel was wrapped around him, Peter didn’t notice how cold he was until now and quickly started to shiver. A pair of large but tender hands helped him up and lead him back to his bedroom. Some boxers, a lose t-shirt and baggy tracksuit bottoms were handed to him and he got changed as Happy turned his back for privacy then he crawled back into bed. The man ran his hands through Peters hair in a soothing way, turned off the light and shut the bedroom door.

 

The new-found silence was deafening. Every inch of his being called for him to do something, anything rather than lay there and waste away, Hesitantly, he located his suit, pulling it over his body and ignored how lose the spandex was now on this body, climbed out the window and slipped into the night.

**(Tony)**

 

What the hell happened. Guilt flooded Tony as the thought to all the times Howard had left him in a state like that, how could he have turned into the man he despised so quickly. He knew Peter was suffering and yet he allowed his anger to take over and now he didn’t know if him and Peter would ever be ok again.

 

The only thing that stopped him from fully freaking out was Happy. He had texted Tony saying that he was going to stay at the Parker’s for a while since May had to work. If it was up to him, the kid would never be left alone again but he obviously couldn’t get involved with Mays parenting, and Peter wasn’t even his kid so having a trusted friend look out for the kid for a bit was reassuring,

 

What wasn’t reassuring was the fact that Happy felt the need to stay with Pete. He hadn’t been asked too nor was he expected too but he noticed how bad the boys mental state was and felt the ned to stay. But at least things would be ok for tonight.

 

So you can imagine his surprise when only 3 hours later, he got a call from a very frantic Hogan telling him that the kid had been screaming in his sleep, threw up and had a very severe flashback less than 4 hours since is breakdown in the lab. And then gets a text saying the he was out being freaking Spiderman. This kid would genuinely give him a heart attack one day.


	6. Silent screams for help

**(Peter)**

His leg bounced up and down and he felt like a junkie, desperate for his next fix. In the back of his mind he knew he _needed help, needed to talk to anyone_ but this was so much easier. He wouldn’t have to disturb May during work, or annoy Tony about something so stupid, or cause Ned any unnecessary stress, he could just do what he needed to do and since the spider bite his healing had increased tenfold so there would be no lasting effects. As long as his addiction(??) didn’t affect his daily life then where was the problem?

 

Time dragged on and for once Peter found himself annoyed at the lack of crime in the city. This was freaking **New York,** bad stuff was bound to happen but tonight, on the one night he needed it, it was a calm and peaceful. The serenity was finally broken due to a B&E a couple miles away. Normally he could get there in about 10 minuets but since his appetite had practically disappeared he had almost no energy and was finding it difficult to swing between buildings without blacking out.

 

It was easy enough to get into the house, the people breaking in had left a window opened which was big enough for ~~Peter~~ Spider Man to get through.

 

“Ohhhhh he stealin” (A/N If you get the vine reference I will eternally love you) He said in a hushed tone, but loud enough to grab the attention of the masked duo. In a fraction of a second, the pair whipped out guns and placed it on Peters temple, it was unnerving how calm and relaxed he felt at this point. Like he was reading and welcoming to the prospect of death.

 

“I dare you” He said, all attempted humour gone and replaced with the darkness that had filled his life the past few days. His voice came out desperate, like a plea, death would seem like a reasonable option at this point, with nothing but calming darkness, no more pain and suffering, just empty nothingness. It called out to him like a siren and he did nothing to avoid it.

 

The 2 criminals appeared to be at crossroads, debating weather or not to do this, they had only wanted to nick a Tv off some rich dickhead, not be faced with a choice of the life or death or another human. But then again, the spider could easily beat them and then what prison? So they made a choice and pulled the trigger.

 

**(Tony)**

The kid had gone out. Again. Possibly getting hurt for the second time in the past 2 days. In fact it was even more likely since his mental health had taken such a dramatic decline in the lab and at home. So without thinking the put on his Iron man suit and tracked Peters suit to find him in an expensive neighbourhood a few miles away. What happened to standing up for the little guy?

 

There was a perturbed feeling in his gut so he sped up, knowing that Peter would probably allow himself to get harmed if the situation arose. His heart plummeted when a gunshot echoed around him, hitting him and his heart and he had to ignore  the bile rising in his throat and he busted down the door to the house where FRIDAY had told him Peter was last located.

 

He was immediately met with a horrific sight. There lay the kid, _his kid_ (he would worry about that later) in a pool of his own crimson blood that merged with the red of his suit. The only thing that gave him peace was the deep but even breaths that rattle Peters frame. When did he get so small?

 

Realising that he had already wasted precious time, he leaped forward and saw that the bullet had hit his left shoulder, which made it even more worrying that the boy was unconscious, Tony had only arrived a few seconds after the shot so he must have passed out pretty much instantly.

 

He tapped Peters masked face softly, shaking him, even screaming in his face till he finally received a response.

 

“Mr Stark?” His words were slightly slurred, but it didn’t matter, Peter was ok! For now at least.

 

“Do you think you could get up Buddy”

 

“’M fine Mr Stark, don’t worry”

 

Like a few hours before, Tony could feel his worry turn into rage. Why did this kid have such a repulsion to accept that he wasn’t ok, that he could get help every now and then. It would seem that Peter would not get up and go to the med bay by choice so Tony knelt down and scooped the boy into his arms, insanely conscious of how light he was. His plan only worked for a few moments though as Peter wriggle out of the mans hold and flopped onto the pavement below him.

 

“I said I was fine Mr Stark.” His voice had a sharp edge and was so drastically different form he boy Tony knew. To his horror, Peter had managed to haul himself off the ground and managed to stumble away.

“Don’t even think about walking away now Peter” He was ignored.

 

“I swear to God if you don’t turn around all call Aunt May” That got his attention.

 

“What do you want? I did my duty did I not? I’m fine, the house is fine, you’re fine everything is fine so why can’t I just go home.”

 

“Are you kidding me right now Pete!” He attempted to calm himself as he didn’t want a repeat of the lab incident. “What’s going on with you? Give me something, anything to work with to help.”

 

“Fuck off”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m sorry did you not hear me? Fuck off… Sir”

 

“Give me your suit.” This was the last straw, he didn’t know how else to protect the kid and he hated that this was what it had come to, but desperate times call for despite measures.

 

He ignored the begging, the tears and screaming that he had got from Peter, even though his heart broke at each sob, this was what was best. However, what he didn’t know was that Peters suit was the one thing that kept him sane.


	7. Things get worse

**(Peter)**

He was going insane. That’s the only way he could describe it. From the very moment Mr Stark took his suit, he could feel himself spiralling down, further and further into a pit that he knew he could never get out of. The dim lights in his life had finally gone, leaving him with a crushing darkness, the kind that makes it hard to breathe and fucking hell it was scary. The problem was, his one beacon of home was the suit, his suit that would save him from the hole but not that it was gone he was trapped. And suffocating. And hurting, so fucking much. Even the tiniest movements sent a wave of exhaustion coursing though him; making little things like plugging in his phone take what little energy he had away. Plus, what was the point with the phone, who would call him. Who needs to text him. _Who would miss him?_

His weekend was spent laying in bed, he had managed to convince May that he had the flu, so she left him alone most of the time. A small part of him wanted to call out for her and sob in her rams as he told her all of the secret she had held inside for so long, but he didn’t. _Don’t put anymore pressure on her, she didn’t want to look after you anyways, he muttered to himself._ Soon enough, Monday came around.

 

Despite his lack of giving a fuck, he realised it would be best to at least pretend to be ok, for May and Ned’s sake. So, after a night of restless turning and heart-breaking sadness, he hopped in the shower in hope that the water would wash away any evidence of the depression that was currently taking over. Being too preoccupied with a million thoughts running through his head, he failed to notice the water until he looked down to see his skin bright red and burning, every droplet bringing a bit of life to him. He was also not conscious of time and was snapped out of his euphoric state by May impatiently hammering on the door.

 

His efforts at hiding his suffering didn’t seem to work and in the dirty bathroom mirror he saw a ghostly pale boy, who honestly looked like death itself. How had his life taken suck a drastic turn these past few days? A sudden ball of rage flooded though him and before he knew it his fist had met with the mirror. Glass shattered everywhere, embedding themselves in the sink, floor and even Peters pale, trembling knuckles.

 

The blood poured out. This beautiful, deep red flowed down his arm, creating a huge contrast with his greying skin, every bead calming his thumping heart. He stood there for what felt like hours till he had realised what had happened. May hadn’t noticed luckily, so he just picked up the glass (allowing each shard to enter his hands), got changed into baggy clothes in an effort to hide the weight loss that had occurred so quickly, wrapped his hand to stop blood staining his clothes and rushed to school, praying that he go in soon enough to not get a detention.

 

1st period went by without anything too monumental happening, Ned was worried when he saw Peter, but after a short while Peter simply said, “Spiderman stuff” and that shut him up pretty much instantly.

 

Subconsciously, he knew that Ned was still worried, so was everyone apparently. His teacher were always staring at him when they thought he wasn’t looking, looking over at his work when they walked around and his gym teacher even asked him if he wanted to skip for today. Of course, it did. Gym was bad enough, and if you combine that with messed up hands, zero hours of sleep and a crippling depressive episode it was almost hellish. But he was determined to keep pretending so he just smiled and rejected her offer and went back to work.

 

Even Flash had left him alone, which for once was extremely frustrating. He practically begged to be beaten but all he receive was a few shoves here and there. By the end of the day his skin was crawling, begging for any sense of pain, of release.

 

May would be working till ten tonight so that would mean he would be able to replace the mirror, find gloves to hide the mess of his hands and find a significant source of pain by the time she got back.

 

He got back to ~~his~~ May’s flat without fully realising and opened the door to see a certain billionaire slumped on his sofa. Fooling Ned and even MJ was easy enough, but his mentor knew him far to well and it would probably be impossible to pretend like things were ok. But then again, he was there when he had a breakdown in the lab and Happy had undoubtedly told him about the nightmare sow at was the point. _What was the point of anything?_

 

**(Tony)**

The first thing he noticed when he entered the apartment was silence. He knew it would be empty so it wasn’t shocking that things were quiet but the atmosphere just screamed stillness, lifelessness. Normally, Peters work would be strewn around the table, there would be the faint smell of May’s burnt cooking and shoes scattered around made him stumble but no of the was present.

 

He see the time and realised that the kid wouldn’t be home for roughly half an hour so he looked around the apartment in hope to understand the cause of Peters behaviour.

 

Softly, he stepped foot in Pete’s room and was hit with stale air. Things were unreasonably neat, so unlike Peter that he could’ve been convinced that it wasn’t the boys room. He could faintly see blood on the carpets underneath him and he preyed it was from the bullet wound and not anymore recent damage.

 

Next he entered the bathroom and felt a gentle crunch under his feet, and he saw several minuscule pieces of glass surrounded by hastily whipped up blood. A deformed image of him was shown in the now shattered mirror and he couldn’t help but wonder if he could help he kid, he wasn’t really one to talk about self-preservation. But for the fourth time and a couple of days, he was preparing to have a proper conversation and find the root to why Peter was acting this way. He heard keys rattle just outside the door and he put on his sunglasses and prayed that he appeared relaxed enough for the kid to not freak out. _Good luck_ , he thought to himself.


	8. Razor Blades

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does involve a scene involving self harm, the bold text will show when it starts and ends if you would like to skip. If you ever need any help, please don't hesitate to reach out, it can be hard but it can make a difference. Stay safe!

**(Tony)**

 

Peter had sat in the armchair opposite and nervously fiddled with his torn hoodie sleeve. Tony was determined to not let the conversation turn out like the 2 before so he took and few deep breaths and removed his sunglasses.

 

“Hey Pete” No reply.

 

“Look kid, I’m going to be blunt with you. I want to know what’s going on. No offence but you look like shit-

 

“Language.” When those words left Peters mouth, a huge weight had even lifted of his shoulders. Yeah the boy looked like trash, had clearly just beaten up a mirror form some reason and anxiety was practically radiating off him, but it was a start. An attempt and they had managed to exchange a few words without it turning into a screaming match, so Tony decided to focus on the positives.

 

“I’m an adult so I’m allowed.” He said with a soft chuckle. He went out on a limb and shuffled forwards to hold peters hand, hoping that he hadn’t overstepped a boundary. He silently cursed his father for giving him the emotional capacity of a toddler. “Anyways, you know I’m here for you right? No matter what, day or night I’ll be there for you, I’m just a phone call away. Just please don’t shut me out yeah?”

 

“Don’t worry Mr Stark, there’s just a lot of stress with the decathlon team and homework and being Spiderman and I lashed out and I’m sorry for getting hurt but I really didn’t mean to and I know it will be hard to prove to you that I deserve the suit and-”

 

“Kid I’m gonna stop you there before you pass out ok? Don’t you ever think that you don’t deserve to be Spiderman because you are the kindest and bravest kid I know. I’m just trying to look out for you, but I have no idea how to do that.”

 

It was almost like Peter was running his words through his head and all of a sudden he leapt up and wrapped his arms around Tony. Displays of affection were rare, (again thank Howard for that) But Tony surprised himself and returned the hug, both of them in a bone crushing embrace. When Peter finally pulled away, faint tears were welling up and his eyes, but Tony thought against asking, if he was emotional he would probably be a crying mess by now, the stress of not being around the kid had more of an impact on him than he would like to admit.

He lovingly ruffled his hand through Peters hair and he regretfully couldn’t spend the rest of the day with the kid, even though he wanted nothing more, he had a busy schedule but stopped off to see Pete since he couldn’t focus on anything.

 

He left the apartment feeling 10 pounds lighter knowing that he and the kid were going to be ok again. Sure things seemed a bit off, but Tony could relate to the stresses of being a hero, not to mention that Pete had it worse since he was also a high schooler.

**(Peter)**

 

Soon he got over the initial shock of seeing Mr Stark on his sofa, looking as relaxed as ever, he slumped down into an armchair and mentally prepared himself to be yelled at once again. He hadn’t even realised he was playing with his jumper till Tony’s eyes flicked down and saw his fidgeting. Like the many days before, all he could think about was the eerily beautiful feeling of pain.

 

He really tried to look like his normal self, he attempted to make a few jokes and even managed to convince Tony that was he was just being dodgy due to stress. It was insane how badly he wanted Tony to see how broken he was, for Mr Stark to console him and tell him things would be ok. But he didn’t. So, when Tony left, Peter rushed to the bathroom to find anything that could inflict pain.

 

One of Mays razors called out to him and it was scary how easily it was dismantled, leaving a small gleaming blade in the palm of him hand.

 

**(A/N Graphic self-harm scene, please don’t read if this could be triggering for you, you can see when it ends by the next bold line. Stay safe!)**

 

Peter was smart. He knew that cuts on his arm was too risky, they could easily be seen if he stretched or during gym class. He lifted his shirt and ran cold hand over his concave stomach and decided that it would be best to cut there.

 

He places the blade in between shaking fingers and gently pressed just below his ribcage, took a deep breath and dragged it over his pale skin. Small bead of red formed along the raised, red line and Peter watched fascinated. Red. Blood on his hands, like when Ben died. How could something so destructive be so beautiful. He couldn’t stop now. May wouldn’t be back for a while, so he didn’t have to worry bout that.  This pain was so different to any he felt before. Yes, it stung and sent shots of pain over his body if he moved but it was the power. Peter was finally able to take the responsibility of looking after himself and was capable of producing something so hauntingly stunning but so deadly. He didn’t even fully realise what he was doing until the bathroom floor was slick with blood and he felt insanely light headed. He rooted around his room and found an old raggedy towel and destroyed all evidence of the beautiful offence he had just done. He felt better than he had in years despite the burring pain that covered him

 

**(A/N Its over my dudes)**

Sleep captured him almost immediately as his head hit his pillow, a soft smile playing on his lips. He was free of suffering that had been affecting him for what felt like forever.


	9. Save me from falling

**(Peter)**

 

Looking back, he could notice his obvious decline in mental state. In fact, it was still falling, like jumping off a building, now he was just waiting for the landing, would he make it out alive? _Hopefully not._ Waking up on the Tuesday morning, he knew it was already going to be an always day; his senses were dialled to eleven and he could hear the blood in his body pounding in his ears. The smell of burnt bacon assaulted his senses and almost forced him to throw up, but there was no food in his stomach. He didn’t even know the last time he ate, it was such an insignificant part of his life and the ever-present hunger pangs calmed him down in a way only pain could.

 

Each lesson was designed to fuck him over (or at least that’s what it felt like). The constant clicking of clocks, the cacophony of noises in the hall, even the faded smell of bleach all formed together, filling Peter with a head splitting pain but this time he was too tired to enjoy it. He silently prayed for the day to be over, for one day of peace and quiet, hell even for a couple of hours of calm. But he didn’t deserve that. He was Spiderman and heroes don’t take breaks.

 

It was towards to the end of the day and hopes of getting rest seemed bleak as thunder clapped down and rain splattered against the glass and each drip felt like a hammer being smashed into his skull. The dark clouds loomed over him like the overwhelming sadness what had take over so suddenly and he wondered if he would even have a sunny day. Finally it was time to leave the hell hole and he quickly hurried out of the classroom, only to be met with a very malevolent looking Flash.

As swiftly as the lighting outside, all of a sudden Peter felt and sharp pain in his back as he was slammed into his lockers. But he wasn’t in school, not anymore. He was at the beach, laying helplessly in the rubble and he could feel his airways being clogged by particles of dust and rock. Large chucks of the building crushed each limb and panic seized him. He could faintly hear someone calling his name, but it didn’t matter all he knew was that he needed to get out, to breath or at least get the chance to say goodbye to May.

 

“-Ter.” The voice was getting louder now, someone could save him.

 

“PETER!” All his senses came back to him as he left his paranoia educed episode and found himself on the hallway floor, books scattered around him and a very pale looking MJ kneeling in front of him.

 

“Dude, can you hear me? He still felt like his throat was being constricted so all he did was give a feeble nod. MJ’s face relaxed fractionally in response.

 

“What the Hell was that man?” He wanted to answer so badly. To tell her all about the pain the was going through, but like all the times before, he couldn’t. Still unable to bring himself to talk, he gave a non-comital shrug and hurried off to avoid further questions.

 

He arrived home drenched to the bone, chills swept over his body with every minuscule movement and he truly felt like death its self. _Maybe actually being dead wouldn’t be so bad._ From the moment he entered he flat, May rushed forwards and pulled him into her and she wrapped her arms around him with all the strength she could manage. Her reaction to him was confusing but then he looked and the time and realised he was 2 hours later than usual.

 

So now he was sitting at the kitchen table, cocooned in blankets that made him so massively claustrophobic. May was rushed around him, cooking soup and lecturing him about how dangerous he was and about how she was going to call Mr Stark (thank god she didn’t). And he just sat there. Feeling numb and empty. This was when he made the choice that at the end of that week, he would not longer be around to make May worry. To annoy Happy. To stress out Mr Stark. He decided to make this week last, as there wouldn’t be another.

 


	10. Wednesday

**(Peter)**

 

So, the countdown began. He woke up early enough to cook May a decent breakfast before she worked her ass off for most of the day and thinking of this he also put some coffee in flask for her to drink on her way to work. Once it reached 7:00, he softly knocked on her bedroom door with one hand while balancing the tray of food on the other. This would be the perfect excuse to claim that he had eaten so he didn’t have to think of an exaggerated lie.

 

May seemed to enjoy being work up like this, she had tears in her eyes and she trapped him in a hug, whispering things like “Thank you so much” and “You’re so good to me”, clearly the stress of her job was getting too much but maybe the workload could decrease when she didn’t have to worry about looking after him anymore. _She didn’t really want him in the first place._

 

A magnetic force attempted to pull him back into bed, but he persevered, knowing that he needed to survive these next few days. He stopped off at the grocery store before he reached school and bought Ned his favourite snacks and MJ some Oreos (he knew she loved them no matter how hard she tried to hide it)

 

He handed out his gifts in homeroom, Ned looked ecstatic at his food whereas MJ gave him a questioning look, but she soon just accepted the present and mumbled thanks.

 

Through out the day he was on autopilot; he pretended to find whatever the hell he was talking about, laughed when everyone else did and ignore all of Flashes comments. Yeah, his day didn’t seem too bad from an outside eye, but to Peter it was hellish. Luckily it was over soon enough, and he was greeted with a black Audi in front of the school gates.

 

As soon as he touched the cool leather, he launched into a bullshit monologue filled with fake excitement and little to no breaths. He knew that soon enough Happy would zone out and focus on the road, so he didn’t have to keep it up for long. He praised God that the chauffeur didn’t mention his breakdown rom a few nights ago.

 

FRIDAY greeted him immediately and told Peter that Mr Stark was in his lab (like usual) so Peter made the journey down stair as he refused to take the elevator. He was greeted with the usual sight of Mr Stark, in a white tank top, scruffy jeans blaring out some AC/DC. He could feel his eyes watering at the sight, knowing that this would probably be the last time he would be hanging out with his idol.

 

**(Tony)**

 

Slipping out of his work educed trance, he saw Peter staring blankly at him with tears in his eyes and for the millionth time in the past week, his anxiety flared up and he rushed towards the boy.

 

“Hey Bud, what’s going on?”

 

“Its nothing Mr Stark.” Tony looked at him as if to say, _not good enough._ But he ignore the eyeroll as Peter spoke again. “I feel guilty I guess… for yelling at you and pushing you away and making you stress about me and for all the times you’ve fixed me up and I understand why you took the suit now… I’m sorry Sir”

 

Tony’s heart clenched the moment those words left the kids mouth. He knew Peter was an empathetic kid but this was a bit more than that, like he was suddenly filled with the need to fix all the wrong he had done.

 

“Kiddo,” He said with a sigh. “Please don’t apologise ok? I’m willing to forget about the past week if you do as well”

 

These words had clamed Peter down and within 20 seconds the started going on about different metals that would work better and new chemical compounds the make his web fluid stronger. Tony had missed this. So. Freaking. Much.

 

The hours floated by and before long, it was night outside, all conversation had died about an hour ago as both of them became transfixed on their work, but the silence had now been broken by Peters stomach rumbling. Tony quietly laughed and ruffled Peters hair; he was rather fond of doing that now. He offered Peter some food but the kid turned it down, saying that he was going to grab something at home.

 

“Umm, Pete? Before you leave I wanna give you something.”

 

Peter tilted his head in confusion. Kind of looking like a perplexed puppy but he quickly trailer after the billionaire.

 

“This is to say sorry for being so shitty recently”

 

He handed Peter his Spiderman suit back, this time it had some very clear modification, the material was softer and darker than before, the Spiderman logo on the front could be lit up like Tony’s arc receptor and many more adjustments.

 

All the wind was knocked out of him when Peter leapt at him, sending him to floor but he didn’t mind. It was nice. Since he didn’t really socialise regularly, and his family was gone, hugs weren’t a regular occurrence and he realised how much he loved them.

**(Peter)**

 

Sitting on rooftops was his thing now. He knew it would be stupid to be out this late in the suit that he had only just got back but he missed this. His legs swung over the edge and it was comforting to know that just one little push and it would be over. But he knew he needed to hold on just bit more. The cold breeze pinched at his skin but he didn’t turn on the heaters. Stars twinkled innocently above him and he found himself questioning where he would go after dying.

 

“Hey Karen? What happens after we die. Like where do we go?”

 

“I’m afraid, humans do not have access to that knowledge. Many people believe in an afterlife called heaven-

 

“Yeah I know Karen. Do you think it would be better in the place we go after we die than here?”

 

“Are you considering ending your life in order to get to a better place?”

 

Peter couldn’t bring himself to respond. Yeah he’d thought about and planned his death but saying it out loud as an entirely different matter. Like it was final. No take backs.

 

“Mr Parker, you should know that I am coded to inform Mr Stark of all concerning conversations.”

 

“No need to worry Karen, I’m just curious that’s all.” His voice got caught in his throat but since Karen was just coding and binary, she probably wouldn’t notice.

 

“Mr Parker, your vitals are quite concerning. It would appear that you are extremely malnourished, sleep deprived, and your heartbeat is elevated. If your health takes a greater decline I shall have to inform Mr Stark.”

 

“I’m ok Karen” _Or at least he would be soon._


	11. Thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, this has another possibly triggering scene. You have so much worth in the world, even if it may not seem like it. Do you need to do to stay safe and look out for others.

**(Peter)**

He couldn’t find the willpower to get out of bed today. What was the point? School didn’t matter anymore since he had no future. Ned would probably find the opportunity to actually socialise without Peter holding him back. Hell, even his teachers probably wouldn’t care.

 

Since he hadn’t eaten full meals in god knows how long and barely slept the night before, it really wasn’t hard to pretend like he was ill. May reluctantly left, leaving him in deadly silence. Now he was alone. No distractions.

 

And that was the reason he was now sitting in the shower, in his boxers, sobbing as scalding hot water burned his skin. The pure loneliness meant at he had nothing to stop the force of the voices in his head, and he no longer had the power to fully ignore them. With trembling hands, he reached for the razor blades he had hidden from the last time, in a box under one of the lose floor tiles.

 

**(A/N Another dodgy scene with some graphic bits. Please don’t read if this could be triggering, the next bold line will tell you when it had ended. Stay Safe!)**

 

_May would be better off without you_

Taking a deep breath, he placed the blade into his thigh until blood came pooling out and tears flowed down his cheeks. Pain no longer gave him a rush but he cut anyway.

 

_What kind of hero are you_

With that he dragged the blade across his pale, unmarked skin and he bit into his shoulder to conceal his screams of pain even though No one was there to notice.

_No one will miss you_

 

His mind flashed to Ned and May and Tony and he realised that he had very little people who cared about him and the people who ~~wanted~~ needed him to be gone was massively bigger.

_The only good thing you can do is kill yourself_

 

The urge to cut deeper was unbearable. But if he was going to do one thing, it would be to have the best few days with the very small group of people who cared. So instead he pressed the blade that was now slick with blood to his hip and exhaled and teared it though his skin again, watching the deep red blood turn pale as it mixed with the water and flooded down the drain.

_You deserve this_

The next thought brought a sob that ripped though his body as he thought to all the times he fucked up, weather it was just by saying the wrong thing to a person or a huge mess up like the ferry incident. He remembered the anger and disappointment in his mentors’ eyes. And cut again, pushing the weapon as far into his skin as he could bare.

_Its your fault Ben died_

Ben. He would be so let down by this. He died for Peter and here he was, crying in a shower as blood flowed from the fresh cuts, planning his suicide knowing full well that it would hurt May. But it was for the best right? And he could finally be happy. He couldn’t think back to a time when he was genuinely happy, when his biggest problem was a science assignment or something stupid like that. All he wanted was to be happy. To see his parents. To not have to suffer though the pain and suffering that life had constantly thrown at him. To be at peace.

 

**(A/N All done!)**

 

Only when he got up did he notice how much he had bled, he was now left lightheaded and shaking all over, he must’ve been too caught up in this thoughts to notice that his stomach was now covered in angry, raised cuts. It was fine though, no one would see him without a shit so it wouldn’t be har to hide what he had done.

 

Feeling exhausted, he pulled on red jumper and navy sweatpants and crawled int bed, begging for a night of sleep without nightmares. Just when he was about to fall asleep, a knock at the door startled him and he dragged his feet towards the door. It was probably post or something. No way he wouldn’t guess that Tony would be standing there.

**(Tony)**

 

When May had called him saying that Peter was ill he knew something was up. Since the spider bit, the kid hadn’t even got the flu so there was no way in hell he was sick. Now, if Peter had been a normal kid, Tony wouldn’t have batted an eyelid, school is stressful and everyone needed to play hooky once or twice, but this was not a normal kid. This was the boy who said he couldn’t go to Germany because of homework. The kid who chose revising over sleep. So, the fact that he was deliberately missing school was odd.

 

So he decided to go and visit, see if Peter was ok. When he knocked on the door, he was met with a very shocked look but was soon invited in.

 

“So … You’re ill huh?”

 

“Um yeah. Stomach ache”

 

“You and I both know that you haven’t got ill since the incident, are you finally embracing your teenage rebelness? He kept his tone playful to hide his worry.

 

“Yeah something like that.”

 

Awkward pause

 

“Hey Mr Stark. Wanna watch that really old film Independence day?”

 

And that show Tony Stark, billionaire, philanthropist and hero spent this Thursday afternoon watching old sci fi movies with a 15-year-old boy wrapped up in blanket seating ice cream. Honestly, he was glad the kid was back to normal, but he was getting whiplash from the sudden mood swings. One minuet the kid was screaming at him and then next he was curled up next to him. But he didn’t want to ruin the moment, so he decided to bring it up later.

 

They were about half way through their third film when Tony noticed that it was almost 7 o’clock. Peter had fallen asleep as soon as the film started, he had moved his head onto Tony lap and had cocooned himself in the blankets, and Tony let the boy sleep, he had bigger bags than the models he had taken on all expense shopping trips. So he rested his hand in the kids damn curls and relaxed, falling asleep not soon after.

 

It was at this point when Tony accepted that he say Peter as _his kid._

Sadly, there was a time when Tony had to leave, Pepper had sent him about 15 million voicemails and texts about all the meeting he missed, so he figured that he would try and sort out the situation (not with strawberries though).

 

“Hey Mr Stark? I don’t think I can come to the lab tomorrow, me and May are gonna have a movie night with some Thai takeout”

 

Of course, this upset Tony a little, lab day was the highlight of his week but Peter was May’s kid to so he understood that they needed to hang out for a while as well.

 

“No problem Underoos. Maybe we could catch up on Saturday?” He could’ve sworn he saw Peter tense when he said that, but he shook it off as his anxiety, and turned to walk out the door.

 

“Maybe. Oh, and Tony.” He whipped around at hearing his name. After months of trying to convince Pete to call him that instead of Mr Stark or Sir, they were finally making progress.

 

“Yeah Kiddo?”

 

“I just wanted to say thank I guess. For like being there for me. With the whole Spiderman thing and the suits and letting me help out around the lab. I never would’ve guessed that one of my heroes would actually become part of my life, and I’m so happy that you did. You are one of the bravest and kindest people I know, and I want you to know that I am so grateful for everything you’ve done for me.” Peters voice was breaking towards the end, but it didn’t matter, Tony was overwhelmed with happiness.

 

No one had ever treated him like this, spoke to him with such sincerity that he didn’t really know what to do so he just hugged Peter with all his strength so thankful that this boy had come into his life.

 

They only broke up when Tony’s phone buzzed to life again and he had to leave.

 

“Thank you. Pete, everything you’ve said to me, I feel the same towards you. Hell, I love you like you’re my own kid.” Both of them were crying now.

 

His phone started buzzing again so he gave Peter another quick hug and left. He didn’t notice how Peter collapsed onto the floor in tears. He didn’t see the way Peter clutched his stomach as his cuts rubbed against his jumper with every sob.


	12. Friday

(Peter)

 

So, this was it, his last day. He felt some kind of nostalgia as he reflected on the very few happy memories he had. He knew that he had to make an attempt today, seeing as it would be the last time seeing Ned and MJ and May. He felt a little guilty knowing that he would be leaving May without any family members, but she was strong. She could survive this. And it was for the better, she wouldn’t have to work as much, didn’t have to clean up after his experiments or bother to wake him up every morning.

 

Peter picked out his favourite shirt, a star wars one this time (surprisingly without any puns), ripped blue jeans and a check flannel to go over the top. It would be the late time seeing people so he might as well dress up nicely.

 

It was a nice day for once, so he decided to walk as he was early instead of getting the subway. Without realising he found himself on a small bridge in the park near the apartments. He took in the smells of food stands and petrol and construction. He felt the cool breeze ruffle his hair as people weaved around him in a hurry to get to work. Sunlight shone through the rare bits of the city that had actual trees, the rays dancing on the river below him. He could hear a symphony of noises, from cars honking to people swearing on the phone to children’s laugher as they ran around, It was beautiful.

 

Luckily he made it in on time with more snacks than last time. Ned and MJ gave him weird looks, the boy had been ‘ill’ and all of a sudden came in, happy as ever with food for them to share.

 

First and second period were as interesting as History and World geography could be, but never the less, he listened intently and scribbled notes, he might as well be in good books with the teachers. The rest of the day was pretty much the same, the trio spent time in the library, eating the food that Peter supplied and chatting about whenever the hell they found interesting. It was last period that it dawned on him that he would never see his two best friends again.

 

As they left the gates, just before they parted ways Peter gave the both of them the biggest hug he could manage due to his lack of food. Ned hesitantly hugged him back whereas MJ just stood there uncomfortably since she wasn’t a huggy person. He knew his voice would betray him, so he decided to text them later on.

 

May was going to be back a bit earlier than usual, she was very excited to spend time with her nephew who she had hardly seen that week. He hurried onto the subway and whipped out his phone; knowing that if he texted them in the early hours of the morning then they would know something was up.

 

 **SpiderBoi:** Hey guys I wanted to say thanks for being such good friends

 **TheGuyInTheChair:** What’s going on dude?

 **TheGuyInTheChair:** Omg are you dying

 **TheGuyInTheChair:** Is this a Spiderman type thing?

 **MJ:** Ngl you’ve been weird all week

 **SpiderBoi:** Its nothing you guys, just wanted to say that you guys are great

 **SpiderBoi:** And I’m so thankful that you’ve been there for me

 **MJ:** You’re creeping me out now

 **TheGuyInTheChair:** What’s been going on with you

 **SpiderBoi:** I wanted to say something nice that’s all

 **MJ:** I don’t really believe you but thanks I guess

 **TheGuyInTheChair:** Trust me

 **TheGuyInTheChair:** We’re here for you man

 **SpiderBoi:** Thank you but honestly everything is ok

 

Peter turned off his phone after that because he knew that he was a shitty liar and once MJ got involved, his attempt to make things seem ok would fail.

 

He grabbed all the blanket from his and Mays room and dumped them on the sofa, making a nest like situation and called the Thai place with their usual order, he decided that he would pay, his treat even though he probably wouldn’t have an appetite. He also found his scruffy old pyjamas, old Ironman ones that still fitted and snuggled into the couch waiting for May.

 

When she arrived, the food was already set out, film ready to be played and Peter was wrapped into his sheets. “A burrito” as Ben liked to call it.

 

Usually when they had movie nights (which had become more and more occasional) Peter was curled into a ball on one end of the sofa and May on the other. This time however, Peter opted to rest his head on Mays shoulder as she wrapped her arm around him. She didn’t know that this gesture was a desperate endeavour for some comfort.

 

They made meaningless small talk through out the films and Peter found out that May had met a man during one of her shifts, and Peter _thought she doesn’t need you anymore._ He gave him her reassurance that he was as chill with her dating and they slipped back to simple conversation. Time flew by, it was obvious that the two had missed each other’s presence as when May looked at the clock she saw that it was almost 1 in the morning. Just as they were both departing to their rooms Peter said

 

“May? You know that I love you right?”

 

“Of course, Kiddo. I larb you too”

 

It hurt Peter when she simply shrugged it off like his statement, her response seeming more generic than emotional. He reached his room, shut the door softly and sobbed.

 

He cried because he missed his parents and Ben. He wept because he was so tired. He sobbed because he felt like he had no worth. He wailed because he could never do little things like say I love you to a first girlfriend or travel the world. He was too exhausted of carrying the pain and anxiety and guilt and anger and hatred that plagued his life.

 

He smiled because he met his idol. He smiled as he had two of the best friends in the world. He smiled because he could finally be at peace, with the people he loved (since everyone he cared about was now dead). It was time to go.


	13. Planning and Preparations

There was a list of things Peter needed to do:

 

  1. Tidy his room. As he picked up shirts and jeans littered over his floor, something caught his eye. An old blanket. He could vividly remember the day he got it; 3 days after his parent’s funeral, Ben came home from work to find Peter wasn’t home. After he searched for a couple hours, he found the shaking boy asleep at his parents grave and quickly ran to the nearest shop to find something the wrap the boy in to fight the cold. Peter found himself sobbing once again, hugging the blanket, filled with grief for his loved ones, everyone around him just seemed to leave. But despite his tears, once he got the strength to get up, he continued with his tasks.



 

  1. Say goodbye to May. He knew that he couldn’t wake her up to tell her, so he ripped a piece of paper from a school book and wrote



 

_Dear May,_

_Thank you so much. You have been one of the most incredible people in my life. I know that you never wanted kids, but you got one anyway and I’m sorry._

_I’m sorry for what happened to ben, I could’ve helped but I didn’t, and you had to pay the price. I hope that one day you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive me, but I will understand if you can’t._

_I never deserved the love that you gave me, from the constant shifts at work to make sure I had the same opportunities or from your cooking (which has greatly improved)_

_Hopefully, once I am gone, things will get better for you. I know you wot date while I’m here as you don’t want to seem like your replacing Ben, but I want you to know that all I want is for you to be happy ~~which is why I won’t be here anymore.~~_

_Thank you for your kindness and love. Please try and be happy again, for me?_

_Peter X_

  1. Text Ned and MJ. Considering that it was now 3 in the morning, he knew that neither of them would be awake so he decided that texting them would be safe.



**SpiderBoi:** _Hey. This will be the last message I will send you. Ned, I’m will never be able to put into words how amazing of a friend you are. You have stuck with me through thick and thin, but now you have the opportunity to find someone who deserves your friendship._

 **SpiderBoi** : _MJ, I know you don’t like this kinda shit because you act like you’re too cool for it but I’m gonna say it anyways. Even though you and I haven’t been friends for a while, you have become one of my favourite people in the world. You are funny and kind (even if you try and hide it) and possibly one of the coolest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting_

 **SpiderBoi:** _I love you guys so much._

 **SpiderBoi:** _I’m Sorry._

  1. Write to Mr Stark. This was going to be hard. How would he say what he needed to, how could he talk about how thankful he is, how much he truly cared for him?



 

_Dear ~~Mr Stark~~ Tony,_

_Ever since I was little, Iron Man has been one of my greatest heroes. He was funny and brave and so smart. But now I have come to realise that he is no longer my idol. Tony Stark is._

_I don’t think I will ever be able to fully thank you for everything you have done for me. You invited me into your world, allowed me to help others and saved my butt more times than I can count._

_A little while ago, you told me that you wanted me to be better, But I don’t think that’s possible. How could I be better than a kind-hearted, insanely smart and brave man? I wonder how you are so strong every day, and it is a quality I envy._

_I wished that one day I could be as great of a man as you but that isn’t humanly doable. You run on 2 hours of sleep + a million cups of coffee, you constantly do what is good for the world and are one of the most influential inventors of our time._

_I thank every God I know of that I got the pleasure of meeting you, and now I am gone with the knowledge that I met The Tony Stark!_

_I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to keep living. I’m sorry for wasting your time with my suit repairs and the occasional physics homework. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough to be Spider Man. Maybe this can be my last good deed?_

_Peter X_

 

While writing the note, his mind flicked to Happy. This man had picked him up whenever Peter needed, dealt with him going on about his day at school. Hell, he was even bombarded with voicemails about his patrols. Since Happy probably never listened to them, he figured that it would only be polite to thank the grumpy man.

 

 _Hey Happy. Its… Its Peter. Um, I was just calling to say thanks and that._ He begged his voice to stop breaking so he could finish the message. _I know that I never really shut up and I’m so sorry for that._ Deep Breath. _Erm, I just wanted to say bye. Ya know, t-to be polite. And um, I’m kinda scared but its for the best, its o-okay to be scared. So yeah. Bye Happy._

  1. Decide how to go.



He could cut his wrists, but who knew if he would die, with his weird spider powers.

Drowning would be the next option, but he didn’t want people to have to search for him, and he had weird fear of water, reminded him too much of being crushed.

Who knew if pills would do the trick, with his metabolism.

Shooting himself would only make things worse for May, he didn’t want to hurt her, and her having to be woken up by a gunshot only to find her nephew dead the same way that her husband had died, and she would have to clean up the mess.

After careful deliberation, he decided falling would be best. He always loved the feeling of falling when he was Spider Manning, and since he lived in New York, buildings weren’t in short supply.

 

 

It had reached to 4:30 when Peter crawled out of is window into the streets. Unlike s many other occasions, he was just Peter. No suit. No web shooters. Today Peter Parker would die, he was no longer Spider man, he didn’t deserve it.

 

Since he didn’t have his suit, locating a tall enough building and climbing up it took at least double the normal amount of time but it didn’t matter, not anymore. He got up to the top and was assaulted with emotion. He curled into a ball and wept for god knows how long. He was alone. With no one who cared. He would be dead by midday.

 

The sun had begun to rise when he ran out of tears. He bleakly stared at the colours above him, a mix of oranges and pinks and yellows. It was beautiful. How come he was able to see beauty in everything but not himself. Why was he worthless?

 

_People will be happy to see you gone_

_Ben died because of you_

_You aren’t good enough_

_You deserve this_

_No one loved you_

_You were never a hero._

Blood trickled down his hands as he dug his nails into his palm, begging for peace. He was so tired. The only way to go was down.


	14. Darkness

**(Peter)**

 

Everything was so dark now. Yes, the sun was rising, covering the city in a ginger glow but to him it was just dark. His chest was shutting down on him. His heart broke as he screamed till his lungs began to burn.  How was it fair? Everyone he loved had gone. He tried his hardest to help but it always failed. _I deserve this_

He wasn’t stupid, he knew it would hurt. Pain was what he deserved, he was nothing, the reason people died around him. What was the point in living when everyone wanted him gone? Why should he continue to exist when he craved the quietness and peace that death brought? Would he go to heaven? Did a place like that even exist?

 

Death became more and more appealing as time dragged on. He didn’t know if it had been minutes or hours since he had arrived but slowly he had suck to the ground (at some point) and dragged himself till he was on the edge. One push and it would be over.

 

**(Tony)**

 

A phone ringing had woken him up. It was freaking 6:30, and this was the first time he had slept in the past 3 days. But from the moment he looked at his phone, that didn’t matter.

5:55 – Happy (Boss I need to talk to you about the kid)

5:58 – Happy (Just listen to this voicemail)

5:59 – Happy (Missed Call)

6:02 – Happy (I’m coming over)

6:03 – Happy (Missed Call)

6:03 – Happy (Missed Call)

6:04 – Pepper (Happy said he needs to talk to you about something important)

6:06 – Happy (I’m 20 mins away)

6:07 – Pepper (Missed Call)

6:10 – Happy (Missed Call)

6:12 – Happy (if you see these messages please call Peter)

6:12 – Happy (Or use FRIDAY or a tracker to find him)

6:12 – Happy (Missed Call)

6:13 – Pepper (Missed Call)

6:17 – May (Please tell me you know where Peter is)

6:18 – May (Voicemail Left)

6:18 – May (Tony I need you to help me find him)

6:21 – Happy (I’ll be there in 10 mins)

6:24 – May (Stark wake the fuck up and help me find my kid)

6:26 – Pepper (This is important Tones you need to reply)

6:26 – May (Please Tony, I can’t lose him)

6:27 – May (I swear to god help me find him)

6:29 – May (Please)

6:29 – Happy (I’m coming up)

 

Shit. He screamed for Friday to track Peter, but he wasn’t in the suit and his phone was turned off. Fuck. FUCK. He ran around frantically, trying to work out where the kid was. Happy came in a few seconds later and played the voicemail.

 

He had never been more scared in his life. His kid was missing, god knows where, and he sent Happy a very concerning message. Peter sounded so broken. Lifeless, like he had nothing left in him to keep going. And if things were bad then, his phone buzzed again:

 

 **Peter:** I’m Sorry Mr Stark.

 

Frantically, he shouted at FRIDAY to trace where the number had come from as his suit melted around him. It was talking too long. What if the kid was already hurt or dead? Tony could feel himself shaking but he pushed it down. _Anxiety attack later._ He received a location and his heart stopped. The boy was on top of Central Park Tower.

 

He shot from the ground and simultaneously dialled Peters number. Straight to voicemail. That wasn’t a good sign.

 

“Set repulsors to 150%”

 

“Sir I would advise against that; the suit will be able to make the journey to your destination and back safely but the damage that amount of energy use will stop this suit from working in the future”

 

“I KNOW WHAT I SAID FRIDAY”

 

He was 6 minuets away. Would he get there in time? He thought back to the first time him and Peter met. The kid was nervous (understandably) but he was full of life, chatty and smart and so energetic. Fuck the rest of New York, how would he survive without spider man?

 

4 minutes. His phone rang and a glimmer of hope shone through, but it was an unknown number. He answered anyways.

 

“Er, Hey Mr Stark. I’m Ned. One of Peters friends.”  


“What do you want dude?” He didn’t mean to snap but he was petrified

 

“I was wondering if you were with Peter. He sent us some worrying texts. I- I just want him to be ok.”

 

“I’m getting him now, will text updates.” And he hung up

 

1 minuet. He could faintly see the tower now, but no Peter.

30 seconds. Peter was there (thank god)

 

He landed on the building as softly as possible, if he startled the kid then the chances of him falling would increase massively and that would break Tony’s heart. He stepped out of the suit, aware but not caring that he was in a loose tank top and sports shorts.

 

“Pete?”

 

“Mr Stark.” Jesus. The kid was so monotone and emotionless, his anxiety rose and his hands shook as he edged closer to the boy.

 

“You wanna come down now Kiddo?”

 

No response.

 

“Please. We can talk and sort this out –

 

-That the problem Mr Stark!” His voice was shaking now. “You don’t understand, this can’t be fixed.. I can’t be fixed.” He was still facing away from Tony. “Everyone around me dies. I can’t save them, I’m not strong enough.” His voice was rising in volume and he was almost shouting “What kind of a hero am I? I’m worthless. The only good deed I can do now is jump.”

 

Tony was sobbing now, he was so unaware of how much Peter was suffering, and to hear the kid say that kind of thing about himself… Fucking hell. This boy had single headedly saved him. And now it was Tony’s turn to return the favour. But he didn’t know how.

_“_ Please. Just let me die Mr Stark. I’m too tired to do this, I’m pathetic I know.” He turned to face his mentor. “I want to die”

 

Peter looked like a mess. His hair was oily and limp, most of his curls laid flat on his head. His clothes hung off him and he looked like a skeleton. Blood was in his hands from nails and small bits were matted into his hair, like he had been tugging on it for hours. And his eyes. They had bruises under them darker than it should be humanly possible, the light brown eyes had turned dark as well, all the light and energy had left them ad he just looked… dead. The overall look pained Tony.

 

“I want to die”

 

All air that had filled his lungs had gone, pushed out of him by the power of Peters words; yes, it was clear the kid wasn’t doing too good, but his words caused the severity of the situation to hit Tony. His kid, one of the most important people in his life was suicidal. A boy that Tony loved more than anything in the world didn’t want to exist anymore.

 

He knew it was risky, but he leapt forward and gripped Peter, noting how he could feel every rib, every vertebrae in his feeble body and tugged him away from the edge. He was so cold, skin like ice and he was shivering but that was a problem to solve later, now he just had to get the boy off this fucking building.

 

Peter just screamed, punched the arc reactor, sobbing and yelling and begging for death. And Tony just sat there, holding him like he should’ve all those days ago. He would never let go, there was no way he would risk losing his underoos. Eventually, Peter had run out of energy to attack Tony and just laid feebly in the mans arms, crying quietly.

 

“You wanna go home bud?”

 

That was clearly the wrong thing to say, as the boys breath became frantic and he struggled to get out of Tony’s grip.

 

“Ok, Ok Pete I understand… You wanna come back to mine and watch some movies?”

 

He got a tiny nob in response this time, so Tony picked him up like a baby and began to fly off the building, he didn’t go to the tower though, instead he went to the street below where he knew Happy was waiting.


	15. Darkest before the Dawn

**(Tony)**

 

He gently helped Peter into the car, ensuring that he was buckled in and comfortable. For once he chose to sit in the back seat and as he put on his own seatbelt, he saw Happy staring at the two of them, eyes filled with concern and worry. Peter looked so exhausted, it physically hurt him. It was truly terrifying to see the kid go through such a dramatic transformation there past few days, he could no longer recognise the boy that practically bounced off walls, or talked until there were no more words left in the English language (and he would probably just continue in Spanish). The figure in the seat next to him was silent, tired, a shell of the boy he once was.

 

The car journey was silent, Peter was pretending to be asleep but failing to trick anyone. Happy was staring directly at the road, hands clenched on the wheel probably trying to calm himself down since he cared for the kid even though he tried to deny it. And Tony just sat there. Shell-shocked. Trying to fight an oncoming panic attack. How did things get so bad? How did he not notice? How could he help? Due to his fucked up ~~life~~ childhood, he knew what it was like to feel so down and resort t self-destructive things but it want supposed to happen to Peter. Guilt washed over him. _I could've helped._

 

Once they arrived at the tower, Happy rushed to the other side to opened to door for Peter, who stepped out in an almost robotic state, staring at his feet and he just stood there like he was deciding weather to run or stay. Tony came up behind him before he could decide and softly put his arm around Peter and guided him into the building, as they passed reception into Tony's personal elevator he ignored the weird looks he was receiving. He didn't even notice Peter was crying until he heard soft sniffles, and he looked over to see Peter, still staring at the floor with red eyes, tears streaming down his cheek.

 

He had seen people die in front of him, had surgery without anaesthetic and so much more but nothing hurt like this. To see his kid so broken. Even when Peter had gunshot wounds, he was laughing and smiling though the pain but not anymore. God, he wasn't good with emotions. How do you help a suicidal kid? He did the best he could, bring the boy into his chest, hugging him tightly as he shirt gradually got wetter. They were still hugging by the time they reached the penthouse so they awkwardly shuffled to the sofa, where Tony placed Peter before he sprinted around to find piles of pillows and blankets, chucking them on his kid and then making his way to the kitchen to make hot chocolate.

 

**(Peter)**

It was just a blur, making his way from the rooftop, to the car, to the freaking huge sofa. He vaguely noticed that he was crying (when did that happen?) as he felt himself be enveloped in a crushing hug. _I thought we weren't there yet?_ A mound of pillows came flying at him, crushing him.

 

Like rubble.

 

Struggling to breathe.

 

Alone.

 

Dust and rock filling his windpipe. He couldn't see. He couldn't hear. All he could feel was piles of building, pushing down on him, breaking his ribs, stopping his breath. God, he couldn't save himself, like how he couldn't save Ben. Pressure on his chest was like the responsibility of school, of Spider-man. He wanted to be better. He needed to be better. But for now he was just a boy. He could kinda hear a calming feminine tone and muffled footsteps running towards him, pulling off the things holding him down. He started to feel the leather beneath him, the fluffy throw pillow to his left and see a very blurry Mr Stark. He was safe.

 

A mug was placed into his hand, whipped cream and marshmallows flowing over the top as the cushion next to him dipped when Mr Stark sat next to him. The man lift up and arm, guiding the boy into his chest, and turned on the TV to pay his favourite Disney movie (Aladdin), but he didn't have time to enjoy it as he fell asleep almost as soon as the first song was over. 

 

*******

 

Things obviously wouldn't be great at first, Tony called May who cried for a solid 3 hours when she heard what happened and Peter couldn't help but feel guilty. Everyone read their letters and procced to try and convince him that whatever was written was wrong. Ned was treading glass around him while MJ just treated him like normal (Thank God). He wasn't allowed to Spider-Man for a whole 3 months. He had therapy twice a week and it really helped. Him and Tony began to have Lab Confessions where they would open up.

 

Recovery wasn't linear though. There were still bad days, new cuts, new attempts. But now he had a support system to help him though it.

 

5 months after the incident, he called someone when he was feeling suicidal.

7 months after the incident he cut for the last time.

8 months after the incident he asked MJ on a date.

10 months after the incident he joined Tony on a mission.

 

Things were finally looking up for him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys! Thank you so much for reading. I hope that if you feel the way Peter does in this story, that you can talk to someone, you could even reach out to me. Things can get really tough and bleak but it can get better. You deserve all the love in this world, reaching out of help isn't weak or stupid and you do not burden anyone. Look out for yourself and those around you. Again THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone. This is my first fanfiction (redone manyyyy times). Thank you so much for clicking on my story, make sure to stay safe is it talks about things like Suicide and Self Harm. Please feel free to comment any improvements!


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